Real Kato Blog: Thinking About Happiness

... again. I need to go through this exercise once in a while.

It's seems there's just so much unhappiness around. I've written about this before. A couple of times.

People are unhappy about their jobs, about relationships, about having kids, about not having kids... they're unhappy that they don't have enough money, that they're not good-looking enough, that they're out of shape. The war in Iraq is going badly. Social Security is in jeopardy. Katie Holmes is marrying Tom Cruise. The list is never-ending.

It seems like everyone is waiting for that one big thing to change in their lives. "I'll find a new job, and THEN things will be different! If only I could lose these fifteen extra pounds! If I had a girlfriend, I'd be SO much happier!"

Some people spend their whole lives waiting.

Other people find that, when that "one thing" does change, there's an even bigger thing that needs changing. "Yeah, I got the new job, but now I have to work sixty hours a week. I lost fifteen pounds, but now none of my clothes fit, and I can't afford new ones. I have a girlfriend, but she's driving me crazy. (All together now:) IF IT'S NOT ONE THING, IT'S ANOTHER."

Why are we never content with what we have? When is it enough? Lance Armstrong recently remarked that things couldn't be better for him right now, and that he couldn't be happier. Do we all have to win the Tour de France seven times to get to that point?

For me, I've always thought that the "one big thing" was getting married, and having a family. (That's Mom's influence, to be sure.) But I know lots of unhappy married people and unhappy families, too. So I have to tell myself, maybe that's not going to be what brings me contentment. Maybe it's something else. And maybe I shouldn't spend so much time reaching for something, if I don't even know what that "something" is.

What I can do, though, is try to take control of the things that are specifically making me unhappy. Is there someone who's company I don't enjoy? I'll stop seeing that person. Am I unhappy with my state of fitness? I'll go running more. Am I tired of living in a messy house? I'll do some cleaning.

It occurred to me recently that on-line dating was a tremendously positive thing for me. It was the first time where I felt like I had some control over my dating life, where it didn't feel like everything was just a matter of chance. With e-mail, and with writing in general, I feel powerful. That was a new sensation for me.

When I look around at people who seem to be happy, I see that they have troubles too. But they're happy because they allow themselves to be happy, they take control of their lives, and they savor the good things they've got. I think there's a lesson for all of us there.

Permalink 4 Comment

Posted by Ken in: commentary, life

Comments

Comment #1 from Phil (Guest)
2005 Jul 27 - 12:19 am : #

"How much happiness can you stand?" So asks a book I recently gave away because I didn't read it.

But in related things -- this week I have been so happy and excited about things to come in the near future, *I can't sleep at night.*. I just lie there smiling my silly face off, then get up and goof around until near dawn.

Comment #2 from Crouching Hamster (Guest)
2005 Jul 27 - 12:46 am : #

I'm just hot.
And I'm happy that my cats aren't dead.
But ... sometimes guilty as charged.

Comment #3 from LizD (Guest)
2005 Jul 27 - 11:56 am : #

Ah, Ken, don't spend your life 'waiting to get married.' You never know, but it may or may not happen. In the meantime, life is happening now! It's important to be happy regardless of your relationship status.

In fact, I actually believe that the right person doesn't come along until you can really accept that it's OK to be alone -- without that belief, at least a bit of you is desperate, and desperation is pretty unattractive.

So, put lots of effort into figuring out how to really make yourself happy. How can you be fulfilled? Pursue your own dreams. Then, you can be happy with or without Ms. Right.

Btw, I'm always rooting for you to find Ms. Right, since you seem like such a nice guy!

Comment #4 from Ken (realkato)
2005 Jul 28 - 12:17 am : #

Liz, I totally agree with you. And you are so sweet. :)

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