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Wedding Statistics
Monday, 2007 January 1 - 12:48 pm
Final score: Ken and Amy 11, Wedding Complications 0.

Here's how it all broke down:

Number of backup wedding dresses needed one day before the wedding: 1
Number of backup groomswomen dresses needed one day before the wedding: 1

Could there be any bigger nightmare for a bride? Amy's wedding dress, which we'd bought almost a year ago, didn't fit. It was pretty much unalterable; the construction of the dress was odd, with all kinds of diagonal seams and triangular pieces of fabric. Amy ended up buying another dress on Friday, and it was beautiful. But that was a major source of stress for weeks.

Anna gave me some crap because I didn't turn to her to deal with the dress issues... only to have "dress karma" returned to her by finding out her groomswoman dress didn't fit her either. Fortunately she already owned another dress that matched the wedding colors.

Number of guests added to the guest list in the last fourteen days before the wedding: 11
Number of guests who told us they weren't coming in the last three days before the wedding: 9

Guest list changes had me worried for months. There was a period of time when I thought we'd get 120 people coming... followed by a period of time when I thought we'd only have 65. The number went up and down, in a dampening oscillation pattern, finally converging on about 80 guests. I can't really get upset with people for changing plans, especially since many of the late cancellations were late invitees anyway. But I never realized how much of a logistical challenge it was to change the guest list; it affects the catering, the cake, and most of all, the seating arrangements. I was working on seating arrangements up to the very last minute.

Number of days before the wedding I started working on wedding programs: 3
Number of tiny brass fasteners used in constructing the wedding programs: 384

The wedding programs were pretty simple, but they took many hours of manual labor to assemble. My hands were numb after putting them all together. We made 96 programs. But a lot of people didn't even pick up a program at the wedding; I think we have over half of them left over.

Number of groomswomen stuck on the west coast due to weather, the day before the wedding: 1

I got a call from Ann on Friday night, letting me know that her flight had been cancelled. I figured there'd be no way she could fly from California to North Carolina and arrive by 5:00 PM if she departed Saturday morning. As it turns out, she was able to get on a red-eye, and she was in Raleigh at 10:00 AM. By then we'd already started backup plans to have my sister be a groomswoman, wearing the dress that didn't fit Anna.

Minutes before the wedding the marriage license was brought to the wedding site: 2

I'd made so many lists in the days before the wedding. List of things to do. List of things to bring to the wedding. Lists of people I had to call. But I guess I didn't spend enough time thinking about the lists, because I forgot something crucial: the wedding license that the minister had to sign. We had to send some people back to the house to find it and get it.

Number of second-degree burns received while changing oil on a motorbike, the day before the wedding: 1

Uh, just one of things that happens. My hand slipped off the wrench and hit the hot exhaust pipe. I have a burn about the size of a dime on my right hand.

Number of days the cake bakers were on vacation starting on December 24th: 10

We called the cake people on December 23rd, letting them know that we might have more guests than originally expected. We also wanted to pay our balance. Well, we didn't hear from them, and they didn't answer the many voice mails we left them... and when I drove to the bakery, I found a sign that said "on vacation until January 3rd". Our wedding planner assured us that we would have our cake, and we did, and it was perfect. But geez, a phone call would have been reassuring.

Number of grey hairs that appeared on my head in the last week: 5

Oh, the stress. People asked me if I was nervous about getting married, and I always said the same thing: getting married to Amy would be a piece of cake, but the reception planning was enough to give me a heart attack. In a few days I'm gonna try to put together a "How to Get Married" article, for anyone who might be crazy enough to try this in the future.

Number of beautiful and perfect wedding days: 1

But I can't tell you how relieved I am that it's all done.


Permalink  8 Comment   Bookmark and Share
Posted by Ken in: life

Comments

Comment #1 from Jenn (Guest)
2007 Jan 1 - 2:31 pm : #
Congratulations! I'm glad everything came out all right in spite of all the setbacks. When my sister got married, the biggest headache of all was the guest list. My BIL's mother took it upon herself to just start inviting anybody that she felt like, despite the fact that she wasn't ponying up any money (although I think that she ended up paying some money in the end).

(If I wrote anything about how to get married, the first and only chapter would be titled "Just Elope, Dammit.")
Comment #2 from Crouching Hamster (Guest)
2007 Jan 1 - 3:58 pm : #
I'm still recuperating ... but will post on my site, including pictures, this week.

After the age of 35, elopement, followed by a big party, should be considered. But not mandatory. I had a great time!

Hours stayed up past 2 am before the night of the wedding locating brown dresses in Anna's closet and trying them on: 1.5

Number of times thinking, "Wow. That Nicole Miller dress is fabulous on you. And it matches the other groomslady dresses!": 5 (All we needed was 1.)

Number of bagels consumed on morning of the wedding: .25

Milligrams of Xanax consumed on day of the wedding: .5 (We couldn't find more.)

Number of times using the phrase, "This is a wedding emergency!" when speaking to small business owners in the greater Raleigh-Durham area: 2

Glasses of champagne consumed after the wedding: 6? (Thanks, Archer Pelican.)

Number of swing dances with the groom: 1 (Giggles and shrieks: 7)

Moments of awkwardness standing up in the wedding of your best friend and ex-boyfriend, being practically naked under a mocha chiffon dress, and being the only never-married woman over 40 (with cats!) from New York in attendance: 0

The love and companionship of good friends: priceless
Comment #3 from Crouching Hamster (Guest)
2007 Jan 1 - 4:08 pm : #
There was a wedding planner?!

I kid.
Comment #4 from Lisa V (Guest)
2007 Jan 1 - 4:43 pm : #
Congratulations! Pictures!
Comment #5 from Phil (Guest)
2007 Jan 2 - 1:22 pm : #
Mazel Tov!
Comment #6 from MonoCerdo (Guest)
2007 Jan 3 - 5:58 pm : #
Number of times you'll ever have to do this again: 0!!!

Many, many warm congratulations. I wish I could have been there, but I'll look forward to the pictures! Hopefully you're off somewhere warm, enjoying many, many hassle-free drinks.
Comment #7 from Earl (Guest)
2007 Jan 4 - 8:04 am : #
Congratulations, Monkeyboy! Welcome to the newly married club! We really had it easy, compared to this story...We just didn't know if our laid-back baker would show up with the cake until two days before.
Comment #8 from Cori (Guest)
2007 Jan 14 - 7:16 am : #
Congratulation!

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