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Oh, You Fat Penguin
Wednesday, 2004 December 8 - 11:43 pm
A story of how I am visited by three spirits. No, not those three spirits.

I am normally pretty relaxed and patient. I can wait in long lines. I can sit in an airport terminal for hours. I can keep Krispy Kreme in business until the Atkins craze finally peters out.

But when I am behind the wheel of my car, commuting to and from work, that all changes. I become possessed by spirits.

The first spirit to come to me while driving is someone I call Angry Chinese Driver, and he sounds like this:



I think he may have, at one time, had a job interrogating POWs.

The second is someone who apparently has Tourette's syndrome, because expletives seem to keep coming out at random times. I call him Jake Elwood because sometimes he sounds like this:



The spirits are unpredictable, but I find that they often come out after someone HAS COME TO A COMPLETE HALT ON THE FREEWAY FOR NO GOOD REASON. Oh, and they're also attracted to cell phones, flashing brake lights, coffee mugs, high beam headlights, and The Finger.

I am powerless to exorcise these spirits. Only you can help me. Yes, YOU, The guy driving 30 in the fast lane.

Uh oh, here comes Fezzik, the third spirit. You may want to cover your ears:

Permalink  5 Comment   Bookmark and Share
Posted by Ken in: funnyhaha

Comments

Comment #1 from Javi (Guest)
2004 Dec 10 - 2:02 am : #
dude. best. blog. ever.


i am often possessed by the spirit of a man who is exactly like me in every way. it's weird.
Comment #2 from Ken (realkato)
2004 Dec 10 - 2:16 am : #
you're possessed by william shatner?

javi, let me say, i'm in awe of your fantastic livejournal entries. but that's about all the butt-kissing i'm going to do, because you apparently already have a legion of kowtowing minions to butter your bun.
Comment #3 from Speaker (Guest)
2005 May 16 - 3:17 pm : #
damn, and i thought you were japanese....there goes that assuming again....poor uma thurman...
Comment #4 from Ken (realkato)
2005 May 16 - 4:48 pm : #
Umm, I am Japanese. But that doesn't mean I can't be possessed by the Angry Chinese Driver.
Comment #5 from Speaker (Guest)
2005 May 16 - 5:45 pm : #
hmmm...what would be a derrogatory statement for THAT combo? I mean, I've dated a "twinkie"..... but i'm not sure what kind of pastry that would make you...

she was also a "banana"...can't think of a good fruit either...

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