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I Am A Dirty Boy
Monday, 2004 December 20 - 11:02 pm
I've realized something: I am the source of all of my household scum. Note: this article may make your skin crawl.

Don't read this article if you're "Monk".

I was cleaning the bathtub last night. It was pretty dirty. Where does all this dirt come from?

From me.

I don't know how this stuff came off of my body so easily, when it takes eighty pounds of scrubbing force to remove it from the bathtub floor. I suppose we should be thankful that grime doesn't adhere to us so well, or we'd all look like Pig-Pen.

So that got me thinking: I am the source of a lot of the dust in the house. I am the source of the crud that builds up on light switches and keyboards and remote controls. I shed hair like a balding sheepdog. If I didn't keep creating new epithelial cells, I would have evaporated into residue by now.

I wonder if humans were really not meant to live indoors, where all of our skin cells are trapped in a closed environment. Just look at the energy and effort we expend to get all that stuff out: air filters, Swiffer dusters, sponges, mops, the Ionic Breeze Quadra... it's a multi-billion dollar industry.

We'd probably be better off if we invented some sort of nanotechnology robots to eat the dead skin cells off of our body before they escaped into the rest of the house. (Mmm, flesh-eating robots.) Of course, then we'd probably have to invent products to destroy all the TERRIBLE TERRIBLE ROBOTS, especially after they became sentient and decided humans were too dirty to be allowed to live.

Whoops, I've been watching "The Matrix" again. Nothing like a little doomsday science fiction to bring out the luddite in us.
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Posted by Ken in: life

Comments

Comment #1 from ncsu93 (Guest)
2004 Dec 22 - 6:08 pm : #
One of the many advantages of marriage , or co-habitation if you prefer that method of living, is that when cleaning the sink or tub, you can always blame the grime on your partner and maintain your pristine welf-image. Ignorance is bliss :) .
Comment #2 from Ken (realkato)
2004 Dec 22 - 7:37 pm : #
I think it's a sure sign of love if you prefer your partner's scum to your own. There's a Valentine's day card for you: "Honey, I Love Your Scum".

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