Real Kato Blog: Pause

This is a bit of a self-indulgence... I'm going to write one little post about sadness.

(I don't want to bring everyone down. I'll get back to stories about pooping and whatnot shortly. But today I just need to take a minute to write about sadness and giving and friendship.)

Some days I'm not sure how to help people. It seems that there's just so much hurt and so much need in the world. Every minute of every day, someone encounters tragedy. And when it hits someone I love, it just makes me ache inside.

I'm lucky enough that if someone needs a few bucks to tide them over, I can give them that. Need help moving? Need a ride to the airport? I'm good for that too. But I never know if I'm really helping.

Money is especially funny; it has a way of making people feel beholden, no matter how try to convince them that they're not. No one wants to be a charity case. If I make this observation to acquaintances, they laugh and say, "Hey, I'LL take some money." But my real friends wouldn't. If I tried to give a friend some money, she'd insist that it was a loan, and that she'd pay me back. And everyone always does pay me back, even though I don't really care if they do.

I only wish that I could fix everyone's problems with a fistful of dollars. Geez, you know, I can't even fix myself. Sometimes I'll buy myself things to try to paint over my loneliness. I'll say to myself, "See how great it is to be single, Self? You have all this money to spend on clothes and toys!" But I can never completely convince myself.

I do know this, though. The friends that I have, they've always helped me; and it's never been by giving me money. They've helped me by taking me out drinking when I was sad, by throwing me surprise parties, and by sending me emails with smiley-faces in them. They've helped me by calling just to say hello. They've helped me by letting me know, without saying so out loud, that they would miss me if I were gone.

Maybe that's all it takes.

Permalink 2 Comment

Posted by Ken in: life

Comments

Comment #1 from Sonja (Guest)
2005 Jul 11 - 10:27 am : #

Wise, I think.

Comment #2 from MonoCerdo (Guest)
2005 Jul 11 - 1:05 pm : #

This post makes me want to pass out hugs.

I think we're all lonely sometimes, even if we're in relationships. Also, keep in mind that you help plenty of people in ways that are not just monetary, and that's the kind of help that matters the most.

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