Real Kato Blog: Wedding Prep Continues

With explicit instructions.

So we couldn't get the non-denominational minister that we asked for with our wedding package. We also couldn't get Javi. So we're getting a minister from the Louisburg United Methodist Church. No doubt he's going to be a good guy and it will be a nice wedding, but neither Amy nor I are exactly practicing Christians, much less Methodists, so it'll be a little odd.

We got a book that we're supposed to study.

There's a chapter about sex. (Giggle.) A quote from the book: "Usually insertion of the penis into the vagina is part of the sequence, but the sexual-response cycle also may occur in relation to noncoital stimulation between partners." Oh really? Could you please describe some of these "noncoital stimulations"? I think there might be some that I would enjoy.

Exercise 3.3A in the book begins, "For this exercise, you will need magazines that contain pictures of adults of various ages." I think I can rustle something up in that department. Various ages? Does that include "barely legal"?

Then there's a test at the end that we're each supposed to do, which is about ten thousand questions long and will take me until 2008 to complete. Question number #5327: "Does anyone disapprove of your marriage?" I guess I'd have to say, yes, the many single ladies in the greater Raleigh area. No doubt they are all heartbroken.

You may be able to tell that I'm having a hard time taking this seriously.

I'm thinking I'd rather have a ceremony like the one from "Joe Versus the Volcano":

Waponi Chief: Do you want to marry him?
Patricia: Yes.
Waponi Chief: Do you want to marry her?
Joe Banks: Yes.
Waponi Chief: Good. You're married.

Is it too late to get Abe Vigoda as the officiant?

Permalink 4 Comment

Posted by Ken in: life

Comments

Comment #1 from Noelle (Guest)
2006 Oct 6 - 10:05 am : #

Oh my God, my dad gives this stupid book to the couples he councils before weddings (he's a Methodist Minister) and I refused my copy for my own wedding. Instead we went to see his best friend, another Methodist Minister, who gave us the Myers Briggs test, told us I'd be the organized one and John would be the spontanious one and try not yell at each other too much, and sent us home. A month later the guy married us.

Comment #2 from Jenn (Guest)
2006 Oct 6 - 10:27 am : #

My sister and BIL were married in a Methodist church, I wonder if they got this book, I'm thinking they didn't because I'm sure I would have heard all about it.

Comment #3 from e (Guest)
2006 Oct 6 - 12:40 pm : #

maybe by "pictures of adults of various ages" they're referring to those evolutionary diagarams of people coming out of the water and starting to walk upright. i'm pretty sure that's what it means.

Comment #4 from Noelle (Guest)
2006 Oct 6 - 1:33 pm : #

I pray it doesn't mean pictures of old people doin' it!

Comments are closed for this post.

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