Real Kato Blog: Dating Update

News... sort of.

So there's a girl on-line, Beth, who responded to one of my missives. She seems cute and nice. I wrote her again and she hasn't responded yet. I'm always suspicious that my follow-up e-mails are somehow getting lost in the system, but I have no way to verify that except to send more e-mails, and that would make me seem PSYCHO. I certainly wouldn't want the truth to get out.

I have a theory that one shouldn't be too aggressive, even if one is the Male Who Is Traditionally Supposed To Be Aggressive. In my theory of dating, one person is the "chaser" and the other is the "chased", and it is the latter who holds all the power in a relationship. Of course, in a healthy relationship, there's a level of equity that's achieved over time, but in the beginning, it's all about having "Hand".

Because of this theory, I try not to be overly complimentary or poetic right off the bat. Usually, in my opening e-mail, I will try to say something funny and off-the-wall. It's my way of distracting the girl and getting her "shields" down. It's the on-line equivalent of saying "Hey, look over THERE!" while buying her a martini, and then afterwards saying "Hmm, where did THAT come from?"

Oh, and by the way, I should point out that I'm STILL single, despite all of these BRILLIANT strategies.

An Asian girl wrote to me today, asking what part of Asia I was from. I guess it's not enough to be Asian, I have to be a particular brand of Asian. I want to write back, "I'm from a little-known part of Asia called Wernicke's Aph-Asia. I didn't really understand what you just said." But I don't think she would get it.

I wish I could write my own questions to screen these girls. Back in college, I made a ten-point scoring system to rate a girl's personality. Have I mentioned that I am was a huge geek? Each of these items was worth a point:

- having a willingness to talk openly and emotionally
- having a quick sense of humor
- having a carefree spirit and an unabashed attitude
- being eccentric and romantic in thoughts and actions
- having a willingness to make sacrifices for others, and to graciously accept sacrifices from others
- not having a need to be the center of attention
- being generally happy and smiling
- being genuine, without ulterior motives or pretense
- being clever and insightful
- having confidence, but tempered by humility

I've only ever met one person who scored a '10' on this scale, and that was Gretchen Fuqua, a girl I knew in college who was just perfect. I knew her for just one semester. She had a steady boyfriend at the time, and we never dated. But I always thought we had a special connection. She was my first instance of the "Chasing Amy" syndrome; for years after I knew her, I compared other women to her.

If I still used a ten-point scoring system, it would be different now... but I'm not so much a fan of using scoring systems any more. It seems so rigid. Now I only have one basic question: "Are you funny when you're drunk?" That tells me most of what I need to know.

Permalink 3 Comment

Posted by Ken in: dating, life

Comments

Comment #1 from Jen (Guest)
2005 Apr 28 - 1:05 am : #

Isn't it more important to ask, "Are you funny when I'm drunk?"

Comment #2 from Crouching Hamster (Guest)
2005 Apr 28 - 1:26 am : #

I found out where all the cute Asian girls hang out in New York: Tonic. But they hang out with the pasty faced avant garde jazz geeks. Weird.

Comment #3 from MonoCerdo (Guest)
2005 Apr 28 - 10:49 am : #

OH NO YOU DID NOT JUST GO AND BRING UP THE WERNICKE AREA!!! That's my favorite language processing center! It totally puts Broca's to shame. Seriously, though. That may be one of the best jokes I've ever heard incorporating a language processing center. I'm in awe.

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