Real Kato Blog: On Race and Dating

By this point, it shouldn't upset me when some girl indicates that she doesn't want to date an Asian man. But, it does.

An article I read recently quoted a study that found that Asians are under-represented on network television shows. "A study of Asian Americans in prime-time television, released Monday, shows that Asians, who make up 5 percent of the U.S. population, play 2.7 percent of regular characters. It also shows virtually no Asian actors are on situation comedies, and the characters they play in dramas tend to have less depth than most regulars, with minimal on-screen time and few romantic roles." (Emphasis added.)

There's a notable exception: "[T]he study's authors particularly lauded ABC's 'Lost,' which has a South Asian character and a Korean married couple who speak Korean on-screen with English subtitles, something almost never seen on prime-time shows." (Thank you, Javi. I think you should be inducted in the Real Kato Online Hall of Fame. Oh wait, look to your left... you already are.)

But generally, there's a widespread stereotype that Asian men are not funny or romantic, and that stereotype is perpetuated by Hollywood movies and television. We're brainy and successful and polite, but not romantic. Sometimes we're very mystical and we know martial arts, and we can heal diseases with household herbs. Right?

This stereotype does not help in the dating world. There are many, many women who only list one race in their acceptable match criteria. (By the way, you can interpret this however you like: I see a definite correlation between women who only want to date Caucasian men, and women who are Christian and politically conservative. Huh.) Sometimes women will list Latino as acceptable, and that probably comes from that "Latin Lover" stereotype. But Asian or East Indian? We just don't get the love.

Look, ladies, I understand if you think appearance is important. I understand if you think having someone with a similar cultural background is important. I try not to get offended that you have certain preferences. I guess what really bothers me is just how pervasive the perception of the romantically-inept Asian is, and how very few people seem to think that it's a problem. And, it bothers me how the stereotypes are not challenged in our pop culture.

Asians are not the only victims of Hollywood whitewashing. Do you ever see meek and brainy Latina women on television? No, they're always "spicy". How about a husband who knows more about doing laundry than his wife? Uh-uh. An African-American cop who isn't a smart-aleck? A straight white guy who knows how to dance? A skinny white girl living comfortably in Harlem?

It just isn't done.

I recently started thinking back on the Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S. Lewis. I loved those books as a kid, and even when I grew older and realized they were full of Christian ~~propaganda~~ allegory, I still loved them. But now I think about how the smelly dark-skinned Calormenes with their curved scimitars were the bad guys, and how the clean pale-skinned Narnians were the good guys, and it reminds me of some of the thinking that goes into the so-called "war on terror". It's really the "war on people Not Like Us." If you're brown and speak in a funny language, you're fair game. Right? Hey, maybe a few Arnold Schwarzenegger movies will convince you.

Those of you who aren't minorities (and that would be, by definition, most of you), frankly, you just don't know what it's like. I'm sorry that you have to hear us kvetching about racial inequality, and I'm sure that you're just so sick of affirmative action and Black History Month and all that. But just bear in mind, sometimes racism hits us in very personal and painful ways, and it's not just political thundering. Okay?

Thank goodness I have all these "household herbs" to dull the pain.

Permalink 6 Comment

Posted by Ken in: commentary, dating

Comments

Comment #1 from Julie (Guest)
2005 May 4 - 8:18 am : #

for the record, i was shut down by more than one asian male in high school. apparently dating white girls, or at least white girls who were me, was right out ...

Comment #2 from Ken (realkato)
2005 May 4 - 10:35 am : #

Gasp! Really, Julie? But you're so adorable!

Comment #3 from Crouching Hamster (Guest)
2005 May 4 - 5:53 pm : #

I had lunch with two Korean women today (who, alas, are dating white men). But they watch "Lost."

They were telling me that Korean men come over here to get training in acting and singing, and then go back to Korea to make it big. Just can't get a gig in the U.S.

Comment #4 from MonoCerdo (Guest)
2005 May 5 - 12:20 pm : #

As blind and ignorant and close-minded as it may be for those women to specify that they only wanna date themselves a good white boy, they're probably doing you a huge favor because really, who wants to date those women anyway besides likeminded white boys?

In other news, I recently witnessed the worst blind date in history that probably could have benefited from a more specific online profile. Picture it: Conservative Jewish man meets liberal African American woman and they spend an evening discussing everything they disagree on, from abortion to the Holy Savior.

Comment #5 from Cori (Guest)
2005 May 5 - 12:37 pm : #

Bizarrely, while there were a number of Asian women in my high school, there were literally /no/ Asian men. (I'm not kidding, and I'm not exaggerating; I could even show you the year book) So, while I thought they were very beautiful at the time, I never knew any well enough. Not that I would have/could have asked them out. I didn't ask people out. I didn't go out. There was no dating for me in high school. But I was certainly always attracted to the aesthetic, and I'm not sure I understand how anyone could not be.

Comment #6 from Little Renee (Guest)
2006 Jan 27 - 4:48 pm : #

Hello to all you dark, good looking men. I believe that racists people really needs to step into this century and pick up on their education as well.

If I had my way, I would be in a deep dark hidden village of east-Indian men who keep me there and never allow me to leave.

I am online under the above id until January 30th for real male correspondants there. Bye hotties.

Renee

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