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Connecting
Thursday, 2006 March 2 - 9:42 am
Oh, how wrong I was before.

I've learned something over my many years of dating, and it's become especially clear since I started dating Amy. It's this: you don't have to connect with your partner on EVERY level and on EVERY facet of your personality; you only have to connect on a FEW things that you both consider important.

I used to make lists. "10 Mandatory Personality Traits". "10 Things My Girlfriend Must Know." "10 Foods She Must Eat." "10 Political Positions She Must Have." That kind of thing. I even made up a 100-question personality- and lifestyle-assessment test, and I would secretly rate women according to that test. It was kinda like "Diner".

Did anyone live up to all those lists? Nope. Was I attracted to women anyway? Sure. And here's what I've found with Amy: because we connect in a couple of really meaningful ways, none of the rest of the crap matters. On paper, Amy and I are a strange couple; we don't seem like we should be a match. But we are.

So here's the rebuttal to all those lists I've made in the past: the Top Three Ways Amy and I Connect.

1. We LAUGH. Oh, how we laugh. All the freakin' time. I've got a list of thirty inside jokes that we bring out continuously, and we add something new every few days.

2. We LOVE. We are the affectionate and intimate type, the kind of people that make you sick when you see them. (Sorry.)

3. We LIVE. We like to do things. We like to try new things, visit new places, meet new people.

Isn't that enough? Actually, item #1 is probably enough on its own; I predict humor will fuel our relationship for decades.

I know plenty of single people who still maintain lists. I see lists on blogs, I remember them from match.com profiles, and I hear them from my few remaining single friends. "He has to be tall." "She has to watch football." "He has to buy me flowers more than twice a year." "She has to like action movies." I mean, really? Those are the things that equate to "soulmate" for you? They're indicators. They're symptoms. They're not the end goal.

Do me a favor, single people: get rid of your lists. For the sake of your own happiness. Just go meet people and give them a chance. You'll be glad you did.
Permalink  4 Comment   Bookmark and Share
Posted by Ken in: datinglife

Comments

Comment #1 from MonoCerdo (Guest)
2006 Mar 2 - 2:43 pm : #
You forgot #4: We DRINK!
Comment #2 from Heloisa (Guest)
2006 Mar 2 - 5:27 pm : #
Ken-
I came to your blog to find pictures of your birthday, and I got so amused!!
I think you may have forgotten # 5 too...Well, to some people that may be #1.
Need I say what the 4 letter word is? Well, maybe you did include that in # 3 very discretly.
If you do that well, lots of other things will just fall into place...
Comment #3 from Phil (Guest)
2006 Mar 3 - 1:30 am : #
You said it, man.
Comment #4 from Noelle (Guest)
2006 Mar 3 - 9:48 am : #
There is one more thing you must have connection on and that's values. You must value the same things. Be it family, education, money, children, whatever. This is the glue that lasts forever.

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